Of wanting to punch in a wall.

I've been getting this feeling for the past couple of days. Restless. Hopeless. Agitated. Maybe it's just hormones out of whack or something weird like that. But none-the-less it bothers me. I've been staring down my art which has been in a rut for weeks and I'm getting to that point where I look at it and then at other people's art and begin to feel envy. That 'I'm not good enough' feeling. I have a long way to go before I get anything done correctly, and on top of that, my schooling's been cut due to the fact that I can't pay for it at the moment. I'd open commissions, but I don't have the courage, nor do I think, the skill set.

So I've turned to the only thing I have left. Writing. I've been working on a story idea for several years now, and now that it's all laid out, I've set it down for NaNo over the summer where they give two months to write, rather than the one, though they're still hoping for 50k each month. In the meantime, a second story idea I've had laying around for about six months or so, finally had the main character walk into my head. Literally. Scary bugger. But I'm not even a chapter in and I've hit a rut. I get struck by the urge to write in that story, but I don't know where this next part is going. I've been staring at the computer for at least a few hours every day and brainstorming as I go.

Long Journal Short: I can't get anything right.

Maybe that's why I'm so frustrated. I'm not sure what I'm doing, and I know that my life is in the middle of a barrel roll right now. Who the hell knows where I'll come up when all is said and done. I'm aiming for community college come fall. It's cheaper and with the meager sum I'm earning from my current job, it might be possible. From here I can get into the debate of how many people are telling me that art is a bad idea. That I'm not ready. That there's no call for it. Etcetera. As if I didn't know.

I just don't need more depression.

-Owl